Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering – Yoda
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear… And when it is gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear is gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. – Frank Herbert, Dune
Al-Qaeda’s entire existence is based on fear. So are some of the actions of our own government. It’s easy to be afraid in a world where airplanes crash into buildings, stock and housing markets crash and burn, torture is allowed, and bombs fall on people. I don’t think too many people would try to dispute that the overall amount of fear in our world has increased in the past decade. And it’s certainly not limited to “Big Fear”, the kind perpetuated by terrorists and governments. On a personal level, it’s incredibly easy to act like a virus- replicating and spreading fear throughout our environment. It’s an ever-escalating cycle, and it affects every aspect of our lives.
I’ve dealt with a work situation that was fear-driven recently. The client felt that their previous agency had treated them terribly, so they approached every aspect of our interaction as if we were trying to take advantage of them. Being of a good nature (usually at least), I decided we should press on with the client and prove to them that we’re on their side by delivering incredible value and top-notch work, even allowing the client to add in features that were beyond the scope of their projects for free.
This didn’t work out very well. As often happens, the formerly abused became the abuser. No matter how low we cut our prices and how great our work was, this client was unable and unwilling to let go of their preconceived notion that they’d been taken advantage of, and their fear of a repeat situation permeated every aspect of our interaction. Things got so paranoid with this client that they accused us of working for the competition, and demanded that we don’t show our work off to others.
Finally, of course, we had to part ways. It’s a shame, because some of the work we’ve already completed for them is truly amazing stuff. I think that’s part of why we held on to them for as long as we did. We all like to show off our best work. Artists like the world to see their work, that’s our nature. But this client’s fear had completely overshadowed everything else in their lives. And the state of their organization reflects that fear.
I don’t want to become like them. I don’t want to shut good things out of my life because I am afraid. And I don’t want to perpetuate and replicate the fear of others. Dealing with that former client’s fear made me take a good hard look at myself. Â It made me wonder, if macro-level “Big Fear” can trickle down to the most mundane actions we take and color all that we do, perhaps the antidote is to take those mundane interactions and make them positive. Perhaps that could result in a sort of “bubble up” process, where little fears are eradicated, leading to larger fears being eliminated.
So, being me, I decided to try an experiment this morning.Â
When I first moved to the city, I’d go for a jog and say hello to people as I passed. Over time, I stopped doing this because of all the sour-faced thin-lipped non-reactions I’d get from passerby and fellow joggers. I learned that in the city, you don’t say hello. In the city, we act like “the other” doesn’t exist. Because “the other” is scary.
Well, that’s bullshit. So today, I went for a jog. And I said hello and smiled at 5 people. You know what? 2 of them looked at me in a surprised way, smiled back, and said hello. Sure, 3 of them were rude. But that’s OK. Baby steps.
Maybe if we all start to do one or two little things a day that replace fear with love- as corny as that may sound- our love will replicate and spread like a virus too. Maybe John Lennon was right. Maybe love is the answer. Perhaps love is the weapon that can overcome this culture of fear. I’m not advocating that we let other people take advantage of us. I’m only advocating that we don’t let the dark side win by ceding ground to it on a personal level. We can control how we interact with others.
It can’t hurt to try.
